painting pretty pictures

2011-04-29T00:44:00.000-07:00

can we build a bond stronger than monotony?

2011-04-20T10:07:00.000-07:00

i know that i am not a lazy person. but the guilt i hoard from a hangover is worse than the grueling headache and appetite itself. i constantly beat myself up over downtime...

beat myself up over not being productive.

but not today.

today i release all the guilt for having a good time.

i rolled out of my boyfriends bed with a hangover three hours after my alarm went off.

walked to the cuban cafe, ordered a cafe con leche and something off the menu i did not understand.

today instead of guilt... i am grateful. so grateful that i can just roll out of bed, kiss a sexy man goodbye, roll around the city and kill a couple hours before i go to work.

i am so grateful for where i am right now. i am happy.

i know that i am not lazy... i get shit done. there is always downtime.

releasing the guilt has released the hangover as well.

why is it so hard to accept being happy? enough with the masochist attitude. stop being so hard on myself.

i accept that im happy.

2011-02-24T11:58:00.000-08:00

no more dating boys who's mommas told them they are her favorite.

2011-02-09T09:05:00.001-08:00

i dont get star stuck or anything, but can i go on a date with kid cudi?

2011-02-06T09:27:00.000-08:00

will i ever get over this kid cudi pandora?? god i hope not

2011-02-04T20:20:00.000-08:00

2011-01-31T05:55:00.000-08:00

tossed and turned all damn night.

as soon as i did sleep i literally punched myself in the chin.

my arm was placed so perfectly on my chest as i had one of those dreams where you fall off a ladder or trip while you're walking....you jerk and it wakes you up.

in this case i jerked my fist to meet my chin.

is that how my day is going to go?? :)

so much work to do before the 13th!! kid cudi pandora all the way.

COFFEE

INCOMPLETE SENTENCES

LEARN TO PAINT HAIR, grrrrrrrr.

i googled "loopy" and this is what i got.

damage control

2011-01-25T06:11:00.001-08:00

a one night event!

come celebrate a day before valentines by seeing artwork that focuses on the complexities of love, hate, and everything in between.

2011-01-21T19:00:00.000-08:00

cheese and wine.

miles davis pandora.

all is good in the world.

seriously i dont get much more relaxed than this.

the next three weeks will be a bit crazy...

i am organizing a pop-up show for feb 13. excited! and nervous at the same time as i have never done this. i am excited at the challenge, ive got the artists confirmed, the place, date and time...now crunch time!

because i started to drink my juice (wine) while i was cooking dinner i have lost some motivation to paint tonight, so instead im going to put together another rough copy of what could be the promo piece (that should have been done a week ago) i am excited about the group of artists. we have never worked together. what's my motivation?? why the hell not??!!

my biggest decision i have to make right now...

white or red??!!

intentions...

2010-12-30T11:46:00.000-08:00

this very well might be my first sober post... instead i am wrapping up what i imagine is my eighth cup of coffee. at any point of writing this i might burst out in song and dance do laps around the city.

im not huge on new years resolutions. its a time where people have every intention of changing, talk a whole lot of game, and continue to sit on their asses. but their intentions are good!

the new year is a good time, however, to reflect on the past 365 days.

so as i reflect, i have come to the conclusion that...and i think my dad said it best when i was home for christmas... i need to "have my head examined". (followed by laughter in the crowd of people who know me best, my family) im pretty sure they found it funny cause they found it true.

what have i learned the past year? well, i have learned that although my intentions are good, if you dont follow thorough, intentions really dont mean shit.

i have learned about myself that i jump in head fucking first. i follow my heart 100%.

(and yes, i am speaking mostly of relationships)

im going to wrap up 2010 with a big fucking apology to all the men affected by my "good intentions". i am sincerely so sorry.

so lets raise our glasses to 2011. to keeping it fucking real. thinking about the consequences of my actions before i jump in head fucking first. still following my heart, but considering the other parties involved. to good intentions leading to good results.

and to making sure to live and love every fucking day. not taking anything for granted.

ive got a good feeling about 2011. let's let it ride.

2010-12-12T19:47:00.000-08:00

if i believe in karma..... someday i am due for an epic fucking heartbreak.

boo-hoo

2010-11-09T06:50:00.000-08:00

ugh, my recent posts have been quite annoying...

attitude adjustment!

i will admit to having been in a creative rut... when the day-to-day becomes so repetitive, i begin to go a little crazy. so last week my sister (who resides in ATL) and i booked trips to meet up in boston. tomorrow! both of us have never been, so why not??!

just the spontaneous booking of the trip was a natural high... as soon as i submitted my payment i felt what might be similar to what a drug user feels after he/she shoots up. ok, that's a little dramatic. but i painted shortly after.

ive also been breaking up my norm b&w oils on wood with trying some illustrative work.

as well as stencil work... that was quite a rush!

well im not sure exactly what the city of boston will inspire...

cheers!

2010-10-25T18:19:00.000-07:00

i often wonder what it would be like if life were simpler. (more than likely, what i imagine, is no less complicated than what i think mine is... stuck in my head) perhaps less people might get hurt? what if i knew what i wanted, could settle down, have a 9-5, reproduce, make my parents happy, grandparents happy...

there must be a reason i am not... not that i haven't had the opportunity... at 28, i can't yet imagine the scenario stated earlier.

instead i sit here. puppy running into me as he chases his tail. listening to a french woman sing no words i recognize, my third glass of wine after i cooked myself dinner. my night awaits more wine and foreign thriller/horror films in netflix now. i am content. i love not knowing what can happen next.

woops.

2010-10-10T21:00:00.001-07:00

woops.

i drank a bottle of wine.

2010-10-05T10:16:00.001-07:00

Test: mobile blog??

2010-10-05T09:43:00.000-07:00

listening to the blues.

attempt to write.

2010-09-23T11:51:00.000-07:00

in a sketchbook of mine, i found some chicken scratch that i expressed with a sober mind from earlier this year.

if i'm good at anything, it's over-thinking...

normally i cannot express myself verbally, in turn my portfolio of screaming or crying women and sarcastic remarks about monotony.

it reads this:

people come in and out of your life.

always have, always will.

with an undeniable force, a powerful force.

like the universe sent them.

remember that feeling?

you might have had several...

if you're lucky.

is it possible to meet that "force" and feel that force with one person?

forever?

or like they have come in and out of our lives in the past...

will what you think is THE force eventually be gone as well?

or is it someday you make a conscious decision to deny all other forces for one?

and/or after you've made this conscious decision does the universe stop throwing those forces at you?

does the universe recognize marriage licenses?

maybe the force you find repels all other forces?

the next page read:

day 4. (of not drinking, mind you)

post-bikram yoga-clear-mind.

i've come to the conclusion that there's a reason many artists are such boozers, etc. it sedates our constant over-analyzing of everything. i am mentally exhausted.

well there you have it. i want a glass of wine.

"Imaginaire" @ Gallery Provocateur 8.21.10

2010-08-23T10:21:00.000-07:00

This past Saturday was the opening reception of "Imaginaire" at Gallery Provocateur in Chicago. I was lucky to show with such a great group of artists.

Thanks to all who made it out!

Here is my "Monotony" series next to the beautiful work of Jay Trembly.

should i feel guilty for being happy?

2010-06-16T21:58:00.000-07:00

nearly 10 months after my move to chicago, i sit in my new studio after an intense session working on a new face, and a third of a bottle of wine.

im reflecting on the past 10 months.

they have been perhaps the most incredible ups and downs of my almost 28 years.

it was about a year ago now, i said "fuck it, im moving to chicago".

perhaps the best decision i have ever made. no, definitely the best decision i have ever made.

.....actually, not getting married when i was 22 was the best decision i ever made.... moving to chicago was the 2nd best decision i ever made.

and it turns out i even finally learned how to spell the word "definitely". this blog is the first time spell check as not been stumped on my attempt to spell that god damned word.

so i sit here now, with a slight white wine buzz, and deadlines...

should i feel guilty about being happy?

2010-05-09T20:05:00.000-07:00

i decided a long time ago that my maturity level is about 7 years behind people my age that i grew up with.

im ok with it

side-note:

*...to add a disclaimer to my last post, how i made it sound so easy. poof! im perfectly happy and i dont need anyone. im still working on that. at least the result is perhaps an interesting painting.

time.

2010-04-14T19:34:00.000-07:00

...does not feeling lonely anymore mean.... you're fine with being alone again? finally.

drinking alone

2010-03-13T22:12:00.000-08:00

...avoiding amateur hour tonight.

(thank god for spell check, 2 out of the 4 first words of the blog were spelled wrong)

red wine, dark chocolate covered edamame, and wireless internet. perfect saturday night.

as a drink slinger/babysitter/therapist, this is the service industries worst nightmare-day to be working, or to be sitting on a bar stool for that matter. st. patties day wknd in chicago.

people who normally drink 4 bud light limes max, start to drink at 8 a.m until they are passed out in the mud...... lets not forget, too much of one color is obnoxious. as well as pig tails and head bands with antennas ?, Journey on the jukebox , oh, and wearing sunglasses inside. (but that doesnt just apply to holidays) i worked the brunch-evening shift, there was no way in hell i was going out tonight.

drinking holidays aside, because my job forces me to be social for 8 hours at a time or more, when i clock out i can be quite a loner. on the clock, at least my office at work provides me with plenty of social-lube... dr. jamo.

instead of getting in a fight with a frat boy tonight, i stayed in and started a new speed video, watched a couple netflix-nows, and checked out a bunch of artists websites and became really inspired.

monday i go to check out a studio space! i need a space to go nerd out, my apartment is just too small and my attention span is way too short... and im sure my roommates arent thrilled about my train wreck all over the dining room.

im outta wine, off to bed. i hope the st patty survivors i hear out my window dont keep me up al night.

cheers to having red teeth instead of green.

amen

2010-01-12T11:31:00.000-08:00

last night i participated in my first live painting at Crocodile in Wicker Park... it was a great experience and look forward to being involved in more activities like that! it goes on every monday... dj and all. (plus good booze & pizza) come check it out and show your support!

time to go...

2009-12-15T15:48:00.000-08:00

after 3.5 months in chicago, not working much, not having any money to do much... the result: being productive & art (and cheap therapy at the same time). thursday my ladies are leaving me. more details on where you can see/buy them to come.

produce, produce, produce.

2009-11-17T09:05:00.000-08:00

i have been extremely motivated lately, i think desperate times force you to be creative...? as i am desperately seeking another job, my lack of working + having almost no income= plenty of time for me to play with paints. yesterday i made another speed video. cheers!

"pa pa power" by dead man's bones, an incredible band, check them out

2009-11-09T21:08:00.000-08:00

inspiration.

2009-11-09T20:19:00.000-08:00

so my first opportunity to show something was march 09. it was for a binary show, the opening of sovereign collective in columbus, oh. (www.sovereigncollective.com) the artists were to create two pieces that go together, that were to be at 2 different galleries. i had little or no confidence in myself at all but agreed to be in the show anyway, i had a month. well the point of this story is that my friend, dan suggested some artists to me to research after he had seen my painting of a woman on wood. one of the artists was audry kawasaki. months later i still look at her stuff, i always will. but today i was reading articles and i read the article "hello, my name is audry" from 2007 in Soma Magazine. it described audry's girls as expressions of her 'inner self that manifests in exotic truths'. The article begins with the quote, "Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell the truth". i read that a moment ago, and it felt strikingly firmilure. the painting i mention earlier was 100% emotion i was feeling at a point and time in my relationship at the time. without going into detail and looking back, as i can hardly express myself verbally now, it was the first time i expressed myself via painting. the woman in my painting literally had the brain and the heart cut out of the wood, and the anatomical heart and brain were at the other gallery. it was an outlet for me, and it was comfortable. without getting too personal, the past couple of months i have basically vomited all over my canvases. (most of the stuff on my website is from sept, october) instead of being able to express myself verbally, i painted. not even really knowing exactly what i wanted, but in hindsight i suppose it is clear. i think the only way i am able to write now is because there are no faces, as far as i know nobody could read this, and i have time to think about what i am going to say... and im drinking wine. :) anyways...... just really getting started into painting, artists like kawasaki, sylvia ji is another incredible artist that i admire times a million, and after reading that article, i have an understanding of maybe why i have never really been able to express myself verbally. wow.
so i will continue to paint what i feel.

times up.

2009-10-25T09:14:00.000-07:00

to finish up my day yesterday, i taped (digitally recorded) myself sketching, sped it up, and put it to music.
sounds a lot easier than it was, but i learned something along the way. it actually took me 7+ hours, holy shit. i had to learn the editing process, and start over from scratch 4 f#@*ing times as my program kept crashing! but it was fun and totally worth it and it kept me in the house away from amateur hour saturday night at the bars.
hope ya like.
cheers.

virgin blogger.

2009-10-24T17:10:00.000-07:00

hi. this is a test blog.
i had an awesome date with the city today. today we rode the L, the city is so beautiful right now as all the leaves are a turnin'. found a great brunch place w/ $3 mimosas. i had $9 dollars worth and a veggie scrambler w home fries and my weight in ketchup. then i took my mimosa buzz to see a matinee, did some shopping, now im going to lock myself in my apartment, play with art and drink a btl of white wine.
what a perfect mental health day.
listening to: 500 days of summer soundtrack (seems to be the soundtrack to my life right now, its amazing.)
cheers.