i often wonder what it would be like if life were simpler.   (more than likely, what i imagine, is no less complicated than what i think mine is... stuck in my head)  perhaps less people might get hurt?  what if i knew what i wanted, could settle down, have a 9-5, reproduce, make my parents happy, grandparents happy...  

there must be a reason i am not... not that i haven't had the opportunity...  at 28, i can't yet imagine the scenario stated earlier.        

instead i sit here.   puppy running into me as he chases his tail.   listening to a french woman sing no words  i recognize, my third glass of wine after i cooked myself dinner.   my night awaits more wine and foreign thriller/horror films in netflix now.        i am content.   i love not knowing what can happen next.  

woops.

woops.

i drank a bottle of wine.

Test: mobile blog??

listening to the blues.

attempt to write.

in a sketchbook of mine, i found some chicken scratch that i expressed with a sober mind from earlier this year.  

if i'm good at anything, it's over-thinking...  

normally i cannot express myself verbally, in turn my portfolio of screaming or crying women and sarcastic remarks about monotony.  

it reads this:

people come in and out of your life.

always have, always will.

with an undeniable force, a powerful force. 

like the universe sent them. 

remember that feeling?

you might have had several...

if you're lucky.

is it possible to meet that "force" and feel that force with one person?

forever?

or like they have come in and out of our lives in the past...

will what you think is THE force eventually be gone as well?

or is it someday you make a conscious decision to deny all other forces for one?

and/or after you've made this conscious decision does the universe stop throwing those forces at you? 

does the universe recognize marriage licenses? 

maybe the force you find repels all other forces?

the next page read:

day 4.   (of not drinking, mind you)

post-bikram yoga-clear-mind.

i've come to the conclusion that there's a reason many artists are such boozers, etc.  it sedates our constant over-analyzing of everything.  i am mentally exhausted.  

well there you have it.  i want a glass of wine.

"Imaginaire" @ Gallery Provocateur 8.21.10

This past Saturday was the opening reception of "Imaginaire" at Gallery Provocateur in Chicago.  I was lucky to show with such a great group of artists.

Thanks to all who made it out!

Here is my "Monotony" series next to the beautiful work of Jay Trembly.

should i feel guilty for being happy?

nearly 10 months after my move to chicago, i sit in my new studio after an intense session working on a new face, and a third of a bottle of wine.  

im reflecting on the past 10 months. 

they have been perhaps the most incredible ups and downs of my almost 28 years.  

it was about a year ago now, i said "fuck it, im moving to chicago".

perhaps the best decision i have ever made.  no, definitely the best decision i have ever made.

.....actually, not getting married when i was 22 was the best decision i ever made.... moving to chicago was the 2nd best decision i ever made.

and it turns out i even finally learned how to spell the word "definitely".  this blog is the first time spell check as not been stumped on my attempt to spell that god damned word.

so i sit here now, with a slight white wine buzz, and deadlines...  

should i feel guilty about being happy?